Can Love Last a Lifetime?

Let’s talk about long term relationships and if they are viable. 

You know why I’m talk about this? As a marriage counselor, I have seen a lot of people who really question this. Is there really such a thing as life long love? Are humans capable of it? Most people have never seen it first hand in real life, but what they do see is break ups and divorces. Hard to blame people for doubting if that is all they know. 

A divorce attorney once told me that at its peak, the divorce rate in California reached 75%, that our state is pulling up the divorce rate. In any case, it’s safe to say that 50% of marriages end in divorce.

So the question is, do long term relationships actually work? Is it possible for people to stay together and still be in love all the way into old age?

The answer is a definite yes. Love stories like the one in “The Notebook” actually exist. 

I’m not saying relationships should live up to Nicholas Sparks level of romance. But I am telling you, there are real couples with the most amazing stories, that they had to fight through and endure so much but they still stayed together. Things like bankruptcy, mental illness, losing a child, infidelity. There are couples that stuck together and faced these things together, united, and in the end, the difficulties made them closer. They didn't blame each other or give up on each other, instead they trusted in each other and leaned on each other. When it mattered the most, they were there for each other. That built a life long bond stronger than anything else. 

For other couples, it’s not that they faced difficulty, but they were together for so long that they each grew into different people, they grew apart. There are couples who met when they were really young, before they established themselves in the world. When both people are evolving and growing, it's easy to lose sight and drift further and further away from each other. That’s how break ups happen, which is so sad, because of course you want the other person to grow and become the best versions of themselves. The couples who survive this process made a point to keep their eye on their relationship, that even in the midst of chasing ambitious career goals, they don’t take their relationship for granted. They made sure to stay connected and in touch with the other person. They made time for this, to spend time with each other and to learn about the developments going on with each other. As they grow and change, it’s almost like they got to fall in love with each other all over again. I hear them say, I love the person that you’ve become. 

A lifelong love is possible. I wanted you to know that. Even if the relationship is really struggling right now, there is hope. It IS possible to repair what’s broken, and it is possible for you two to grow old together in a lifelong, loving relationship. 

There are so many couples who give up fighting for their relationship because they think there is no hope and that there is no point. They throw in the towel even though they still love each other. But that is like a cancer patient who gave up before even trying radiation and chemo. You don’t have to give up right away, if you still love this person, and in your mind you can still see the picture of the two of you being in love and happy together, you can try to fix it. That’s what couples counseling is for. Do you know that back in the day before dentistry was a thing, people would just give up on a tooth with a cavity, oh there’s no saving that. Yeah that was before we established the science and trained professional dentists. Same thing with your relationship, couples therapists are trained to pinpoint your problems and help you guys restore and strengthen your relationship. A lot of therapists offer free consultations, look around and talk to some of them, see if you find one that you feel comfortable with. 

I hope all of you out there find the help that you need.